The 11 Most Idiotic Fictional Weapons

What would you give for a working lightsaber? Or, canada goose outlet reviews barring that, a pulse rifle from Aliens?

If we could make fictional weapons real, there’s no limit to the ass we could kick. Usually.

Sometimes, though, canada goose black friday sale they get so involved in making something that looks cool on the screen that they come up with a weapon that, in reality, would be more dangerous to the guy canada goose outlet new york city using it. For instance.

canada goose outlet germany It was at the invention of the batarang that canada goose outlet parka somebody should have intervened and told Bruce to spend less time worrying about every single accessory fitting the theme. Making your deadly boomerang thing bat shaped makes it hard to store, hard to throw and, in reality, would be next to impossible to catch without severing three of your own fingers. canada goose outlet germany

canada goose outlet 2015 Look, Batman, the canada goose outlet store uk bad guys aren’t going to care what your weapon looks like once it’s lodged in their neck. Don’t worry about it, you look fine. Quit primping, get out there and stop some goddamn criminals. canada goose outlet 2015

canada goose outlet in vancouver According to the type of people who study the workings of completely fictional weapons canada goose outlet , the bowcaster is like a crossbow that uses two polarizing orbs to generate a magnetic field to accelerate the little arrows. canada goose outlet in vancouver

That’s right. Instead of the hundreds of other energy weapons available in the Star Wars universe, this one decides to use a technology we gave up somewhere around the time we decided that being covered in mud and shit wasn’t all that cool. Sure, the bolt is covered in a sheath of something called plasmoid, but then what’s the point of having a canada goose outlet uk little bit goose outlet canada of metal in the middle of canada goose outlet online it? Why not just fire the energy? Is there some super futuristic armor in the Star Wars universe that can canada goose jacket outlet stop an energy beam but canada goose outlet uk sale not official canada goose outlet an arrow?

Why It Is Absolutely Not Cool:

canada goose outlet ontario Okay, we understand that even though Oddjob is an incredibly tough dude (we see him shrug off a gold brick to the solar plexus) he may still need to kill somebody at a distance and that this would require a weapon of some kind. There is no reason, however, for this weapon to be a sharp novelty hat. canada goose outlet ontario

canada goose outlet locations in toronto That’s what guns are for. And don’t tell us he’s never heard of one, or has some obscure religious aversion to them Oddjob uses one earlier in the film. Even if he needs to be silent, there is this thing called a throwing knife. They came out with those about 1000 years ago. canada goose outlet locations in toronto

canada goose outlet parka Why It Is Absolutely Not Cool: canada goose outlet parka

When you’ve decided to be a superhero and you’re coming up with a theme for yourself, you could do a lot worse than arrows. They’re fast, deadly and let you attack from a distance without having to resort to the guns that are so frowned upon in the superhero world.

canada goose outlet website legit But, not content to stick to plain old arrows with maybe a flaming one every once in a while, Green Arrow thought he’d get innovative. Having quickly run through, apparently, canada goose outlet sale the only three good arrow ideas in the universe, he wound up with glue arrows and net arrows and fire extinguisher arrows and a boomerang arrow. But hands down, his worst idea was the boxing glove arrow. Gun can be quite refreshing if aimed at the face) but we’re not supervillains. Well, not tough ones anyway. canada goose outlet website legit

Though, in fairness, he’s barely a superhero.

canada goose outlet orlando If you’re throwing it down with some superpowered madman hell bent on ruling the universe, you probably want something a little stronger than a puff of air. As for the blinding light, a trip to Sunglasses Hut renders that feature useless. canada goose outlet orlando

canada goose outlet houston Even if the enemy forgets his shades at the beach, all a blast of light is going to do is piss him off. It just nullifies. It’s like they bought it from some dude in an alley. “Trust me, dude, canada goose outlet nyc if you need something nullified, this’ll nullify it right up.” The Ultimate Nullifier is especially effective against gaping plot holes. canada goose outlet houston

canada goose outlet store uk So easy, even a baby can use it. Just point and nullify. canada goose outlet store uk

canada goose jacket outlet uk The Ultimate Nullifier is one of those fictional weapons that exists for no other reason than to resolve an unresolvable plot. The Fantastic Four, facing the near omnipotent Galactus , are basically given the Ultimate Nullifier by another near omnipotent being (The Watcher) and quicker than you can say deus ex machine, they use it to save the world. canada goose jacket outlet uk

canada goose outlet woodbury Why It Absolutely Is Not Cool: canada goose outlet woodbury

canada goose outlet nyc The Krull Glaive is the magic weapon in the film Krull. The hero, Prince Colwyn, has to find the glaive, find the lair of the beast who has attacked his kingdom and kill it, all while maintaining his perfectly blow dried hair and beard. canada goose outlet nyc

canada goose outlet online reviews Like a lot of ridiculous fictional weapons, the obvious uselessness of the Krull Glaive is explained away canada goose outlet black friday by it being “magic.” There have been weapons like this in history (like the African tribal weapon, the awesomely named hunga munga), but they all had something the Krull Glaive lacks: a fucking handle. canada goose outlet online reviews

canada goose outlet store montreal Sure, you could impress your enemy with your cool bat’leth moves and wow him with how fast you can twirl it around, but once the rhythmic gymnastics display was over, all he has canada goose factory outlet to do is pull an Indiana Jones and shoot your flailing ass canada goose outlet store montreal.


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